Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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