So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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