you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
