i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
