Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
