He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
