my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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