I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
