I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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