headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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