Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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