I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
