Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
