Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
