I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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