It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
