I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
