Who did Billy Mays play for?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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