also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
