I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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