Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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