that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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