So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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