So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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