Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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