Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
