I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
