Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I faked an abortion last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
