What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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