i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
