he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
