Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
