Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
