So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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