We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
