I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
