last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
