The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
