You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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