Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
be right there i have to get my cape
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
