She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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