I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
