i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
