Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
