its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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