I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
