After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just invented taco cereal.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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