Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
