somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
