good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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