I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize