think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
