sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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