i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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