apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
