Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
