I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
