awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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