Non-Jews are for practice
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
