I look better un-naked...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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