Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
