I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
