There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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