WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
