I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
